Fear and Loathing in the Millenium Dome

A Journey to the Heart of the Millenium Dream

Chapter 1 - British Rail Sandwiches

We were somewhere near Basinstoke when the drugs kicked in. I remember saying something like "I think you'd better go to the buffet car."

TN23 and myself were riding in the distinctly non-first-class compartment of the Southampton-London express. We had bought some sandwiches and tea in one of those cups which transmits as much of the heat as possible from the beverage into your hand. They don't make these cups anymore, I thought, which means that somewhere B.R. must have millions, no, hundreds of millions stashed in a warehouse. Where? and what could I do about it? Just how many of these cups of tea do they sell a day?

I realised that I was losing focus - we had a job to do, or rather, I had a job to do. For now the only important thing was to defend our space. We had a table seat and TN23 had to face in the direction the train was going - something about a curse placed on his grandfather. We had to fight an elderly couple for these seats and I was damned if I was going to share with the git in the suit asking to sit down.

"Sure, why not" said TN23.

"Are you crazy, this could queer the deal?"

"What deal? besides, he's already sat down."


But TN23 was too involved in contemplating his tea, should I warn him about the cups? nah, he'd find out soon enough. I shifted my attention to the suit. I know this kind, all cheap suits, palm pilot and the webbed fingers of a mac user. His hands had not yet become actual flippers.

"This man can still be saved!!"

Bugger, did I say that out loud? I checked my watch, still twenty minutes to the hour. To pace ourselves we had decided to take the medicine on the hour every hour. It sounded good on paper but we knew this plan would fall apart before tea time.

"You!", I gesture towards the proto-flipper-handed-suit, "Two things to come from Berkley are UNIX and LSD! What do you make of that? Eh?"

"er..", he retorted.

"Do you even understand why we're here? Do you want to hear?"

"erm..", he agreed.

next chapter

©2001 totl.net. This article should be blamed on Chris but he did have help from Steve and suggestions from everybody. Notice for stupid people: not everything in this article is one hundred percent true. Bits of it might be.