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In October 1999, three blokes disappeared in the woods near Southampton while writing a webpage.

A day later their empties were found.

Day 1

 Steve and Rich asking for directions

Rich: I've heard that there is supposed to be a Lost Offy out here somewhere, back in the forest.

Steve: Let's ask that local over there for directions.

Al: Mmmm... beer.

Rich: Hey, you, where is the lost Offy?

Local: Its about a mile that way. [pointing off into woods]

 The Big Room

Steve: We've been walking through the Big Room for ages, I don't think there is a lost Offy, I think it's just a myth.

Rich: No, no, it's half-a-mile over that way [pointing]

All three traipse through outdoorsy stuff for a while, eventually finding the fabled lost off-licence, and buying much beer.

 Us, drinking

Cast tramp around in the woods for a few hours, vaguely looking for something witchy

Al: This bag's getting bloody heavy. Can't we do something to make it lighter?

Rich: Well, we could take some of the beer out I suppose...

Steve: I'm bored of looking for this bloody witch, let's just drink the beer, dammit!

Rich: Yes, that would work.

Beer is drunk.

Steve: Wow, good beer, have we got any more?

Al: Yeah, we've got plenty. [looks in bag] About another eighty or so.

Steve: Eighty!?!

Rich: Er, yeah, well I though the witch might be thirsty, y'know. Anyway, we need a lot of beer to distract the witch in case there are any students out here, they may have beer too.

 Us, drinking more

Al: Chuck me another beer, this one's done for.

Rich: Yeah, another one here.

More drinking.

[The speech in the following segment was somewhat distorted and slurred, but all the other sounds are perfectly clear. What could possibly have caused this? We suspect the Witch's evil mind tricks.]

Steve: Still no sign of your bloody Witch, where the hell is it? I'm going to have some more beer while I'm waiting.

Rich: We're out of the bottled stuff, it'll have to be Heineken.

 Al, stage 1 drunkenness

Al: Damn, where's it gone? It was full a minute ago.

 Al, stage 2 drunkenness

Al: What are we doing out here again?

 Al, stage 3 drunkenness


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